this is the sound of honesty

so much to say, I can't seem to say it. I can't seem to pen it down either.

I don't need acceptance. I don't require emotions. I don't want to regret. I don't need to love...

Love Story - Rain (International version like woah...)

Hey.
This is my story.
It's true. Listen.

Oh baby, there's something I have to tell you 'bout.
Can't hold it in my heart, all the pain is breaking me down.
Thought I found my one true love.
Couldn't show you how I feel.
I was stupid baby my pride wouldn't let me be real.
I'm asking for one more chance.
Didn't know where you stand or what your feelings demanded from me.
I pleaded your love wouldn't pass.
You left me out in the rain when you just walked away.

This song is a story of a true love tragedy.
I gave up my heart, I tried to give you all of me.
We've come to the ending somehow
I don't know what to do.
I don't wanna forget now.
I love you baby I still love you (I love you ajikdo sarang-hae)
This is the sound of honesty
I gave up my heart, I tried to be all I could be.
My heart's gonna wait forever,
I'm still holding onto all of our moments together,
I love you baby I still love you.

We were so much in love,
tell me how could you forget.
Wish you were here with me,
but memories are all I left.
It seems like the promises you made to me were nothing.
And you're smiling girl but I can see you hurt within.
I'm pleading for one more chance.
Baby give me your hand,
so we can both understand this love.
I pleaded your love wouldn't pass.
All the pieces of my soul want to live in your heart.

This song is a story of a true love tragedy.
I gave up my heart, I tried to give you all of me.
We've come to the ending somehow
I don't know what to do.
I don't wanna forget now.
I love you baby I still love you (I love you ajikdo sarang-hae)
This is the sound of honesty
I gave up my heart, I tried to be all I could be.
My heart's gonna wait forever,
I'm still holding onto all of our moments together,
I love you baby I still love you.

Gotta close door, just like you did before.
See my heart is broken,
Baby I can do it no more.
Even though it hurts, I'll make a brand new start.
And lay to rest all the moments that played with my heart.
And just before I do, I gotta let you know that
no man will love you more so baby never forget.
Listen, I'm without you.
All I know right now,
I love I'll always love you.

This song is a story of a true love tragedy.
I gave up my heart, I tried to give you all of me.
We've come to the ending somehow
I don't know what to do.
I don't wanna forget now.
I love you baby I still love you (I love you ajikdo sarang-hae)
This is the sound of honesty
I gave up my heart, I tried to be all I could be.
My heart's gonna wait forever,
I'm still holding onto all of our moments together,
I love you I will always love you.

hey, dont walk cause its time to fly.

we'll let destiny lead us.

I was sian lin's and tanoto's mum today cause i helped them to tie their ice skates and i was like 'you need help not? but must call me mum first.' LOL and junkai was being 'the joker' again just like what his shirt says. He cant really skate so he almost ended up hugging a girl and the girl oi-ed him. There was also another girl staring at him and i was like mouthing to her 'crazy right' and she nodded her head like furiously. And the guys skated very fast to see chio bu ice skate. haha . And btw, you know how people if they want to walk home they always say i want to take bus 11. well, we just found out theres actually a bus that is called bus 11. But the frequency is like damn long luh!look at them hold hands lah! awww...
my ex best friend haha!haha! look at hq's face lah! yarh and he got cheated by steffi to make a facebook account.

explicit and vulgar photos have been removed. hahahahahaha! look out for part 2 arh, the unveiling of the despo club secret hide-out that even the (fake) self-proclaim president hq dont know!

time can't erase a feeling this strong.

Yup, ain't no stopping us now.

So many things on my mind. So much I want to say. I don't exactly know what I am feeling right now.



I'm missing so many people right now. Especially one particular person and steffi. A peek at an sms the secretary of despo club sent me. 'Haha ya ya. jus wait for guy to jio u.i going to stay single until girl jio me haha!'

the lovers are losing.

its like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you! :) what we have is worth fighting for.

After grad night, we had post party. So fun we played risk and poker until the sun rise. I said i would break win's record of 42 hours but i couldnt survive for more than 26 hours. It was super funny cause we kept talking about losing car keys *coughs*. And pun was being racist as usual. LOL! Though he was nice enough to split his fake money with me during poker.

at poker
Me: eh, split money with me eh. I got no money lah.
Pun: okok.
Win: wah, you two divorce arh.
Me: -looks at pun- even though we're divorced, i'll always...
Win: -continues- *coughs*...love you...

at risk
Me: eh, I'm dying. Pun, send your troops to help me leh.
Pun: EH SHUDDUP LAHHH, I CANNOT EVEN SAVE MYSELF HOW TO SAVE YOU.

Me: I WILL RULE THAILAND!
Win: No, I will rule thailand. its my homeland there is where i belong.
Me: I'll fight you!
Win: come ah!
Me: to death!

in the end, i have the lowest amount of territory. -.- and every time pun rolls the dices in zuhairi's brownie box, he gets a damn high number! lol, so weng was like suspecting something is wrong with the box and then win crushed the box. I tried rolling on the box and it didnt work anymore.

hold these precious memories close
don't ever let go.
so stop flashing your cameras,
let us just enjoy this moment.
wait no longer,
cause our time is getting shorter.

the 6 liner specially dedicated to special people like the 24 gang (win and dew the combo set, shalyn thong, sara) , MR LEEEEEEEE, my first secondary school friend Joanne, Vinodini D/O Pandian, Rui Xue, Seow seow, Miss GAO ning, Meiyoke, Hua qiang, Despo club (Ryan, Junkai, Steffi), Orange club and also not forgetting LS club, 2046 (a very important number), council excos (sec3 and sec4) and 4/2(though we have our differences). AND MR PUN.(SORRY FORGOT ABOUT YOU, REMEMBER MY PRESENT!)

Secondary school was the most fun I ever had. Dont be afraid, each of you have a place in my heart this shows how big my heart is. :DDDDD I'll miss you guys.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! -HYPERVENTILATES-

On love, hurt and regrets

This life, you have loved and been loved, hurt and been hurt. Many a time you would go,'if i could turn back time.' And regret the things you have done. But sometimes memories of these hurt and love can be so distant, you can't seem to remember them. Thats the worst part.

To run endlessly...

I need to run to some place, somewhere I could be free. With each running step, I gain speed and power. Adrenalin surging, perspiration trickling, deep breathing and lactic acid build-up. I like the feeling of running so hard that you cant feel your legs anymore.

Cute cute! Someone made my day :D

socratic method and liar paradox

an excerpt from my diary. thought it might be interesting to put it up somewhere. (Go ahead, wonder about what i write in there.)


okay, so exams send me straight into a cardiac arrest.

It is a pleasure and honor to write endlessly without cares of this world. And yes, without teachers breathing on your neck for grammatical errors. It would actually be interesting to do literature on House. There is so much to write about the character House and Wilson and the relationship between them. I know I have been going on and on about how great House is and you should worship at his feet and all but he always makes sense. For example....

"I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is - maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is - doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong."

Walking along orchard road with one side of my ear being blasted with music from my silver ipod classic while the other eavesdropping to others' conversation punctuated with the 'lah's, the 'leh's and the 'lorh's. The sudden realization struck me. We, children, live in a bubble. Shield from the world. And even if you do realize that Lehman Brothers' have already collapsed, what are the chances that it has direct implication on us? Because all that is instructed and expected of us is to study. So to hell with the presidential elections and plunging market. (whatever)

There's something about art so enticing.

the poolside rendezvous

you're my raison d'être.

Teevee has trash. Seems like american drama appeal to me better. This is one of the many days I wish that I could be a writer. But house is really really good! I love hugh laurie... He's so funny.

"We've got a problem. This guy only has half the brain."

"What I am is not what you want but what you need. I'm damaged." -House to Cameron

a tribute to my gay bfffffffffffffffffffffffffff!

tlr6
Originally uploaded by madded

xiexie (see, chinese. I'm like an expert at it) for everything!

And I'm very happy! :D

Timo Cruz: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

handphone radiation kills? maybe not...

So, there's this group of us who tried to pop popcorns with our hand phone as seen in youtube. DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! hah, but it was fun while it lasted.

just a boy from baltimore with big dreams

I feel compelled to talk about this.

Because every once in a century, a hero comes along and with strength so great and with perseverance so vast. Yes yes, Michael Phelps.

One day when people hear my name, I want them to go the way I go when I hear Michael Phelps' name. Usually when i hear Michael Phelps' name, I would go "omg, he has hot body!" or "omg, he's like so pro!". I rather the latter response. But if people would compliment that i have hot bod then it would be an added bonus but it doesnt really matter.

However, I note the frequency of successful people doing badly in school. -.-"

"The biggest thing is staying positive and imagining anything is possible. Because it really is." - Phelps

I have my own principles too.
I believe in hard work. I believe that the human mind can achieve far greater things if we constant push ourselves.
I don't believe in perfection and perfection can only be personified through Christ. :)

what does it really mean to be humane?

Its so abstract, sketchy and subjective. A question mark in the question itself. Almost impossible to quantify.

don't be sad that xinyi disappeared from blogger! But she has added herself to flickr! Click here!

every beginning has an ending.

at 16, I'm still in shirt and jeans. Will you accept me for who I am?
at 16, girls doll up and put on make up. I don't. Will you accept me for who I am?

I'll not be answering my phone from 15th till the end of the holidays. I need a break from everything, get away for awhile to think about stuff. To those who are in pain and suffering this is for you. :D 'Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.'

Its about time I change my medium. I'm changing it to paper and pen and this time its really a secret diary for real. Every beginning has an ending and every hero starts from zero.

Thank you for bearing with my incoherence.

The end.

A series of brief conversation part 2

Let me write something happier for a change.

Xinyi: I think i got grounded. I don't actually know if i got grounded cause she didnt actually say the word grounded. And I have no idea why i got grounded.
-silence-
Xinyi: Did i say the word grounded too many times?
Shalyn: Yes. -.-

Xinyi: -copies win's pm on msn-
Win: Copycat!
Xinyi: I'm not a cat!
Win: CopyXinyi!!!
Xinyi: oh wait, maybe I am a cat. That's why shalyn's dog keep barking at me.

Xinyi: Lucky I dont have a dog. So noisy! More noisy than me!
Win: Ya!!!!!!!!
Xinyi: what's with the exclamation marks?
Win: I am exited!!!
Win: excited!!!
Xinyi: You're excited about a dog?
Win: I am excited that the dog is noisier than you!!!!!

Xinyi: eh, they say when you're young if you look cute, when you get older you'll look ugly. And if you're ugly when you're young, when you're older you look nice.
Shalyn: yarh.
Xinyi: omg, win. when you're young you look very cute right?!
Win: you look even better than me when you're young.

Weng: -asks about names of different baby animals- whats a baby dog?
Xinyi: -thinks for 3 seconds- puppy?
Weng: baby swan?
Xinyi: I don't know? goose?

Xinyi: I feel suffocated. (figuratively)
Win: then how??
Xinyi: err... i dont know! try to ventilate the place lorhh!!

Anyway, to a certain someone. Happy birthday.

My blog will self destruct in a matter of days. My father thinks blogging is shit.

the aftermath

I have lost faith in humanity. I don't know how I feel actually. Maybe elusive is the word. Soon, I will be void of feelings. I won't cry, I won't feel the pain. Pain would mean nothing to me anymore.

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.

hear my heart cry out, 'can someone help me?' cause I know its gonna be 4 in the morning and my tears are pouring. and no one's gonna be there. It would just be me and 'Boston' on the loop.

I hate myself for being such a loser. I hate myself for losing faith. I hate myself for getting an f. I hate myself for failing English. I hate myself for being a ______ ______. I hate myself for being not good enough. I hate myself for being good at nothing. I hate myself for feeling the pain. I hate myself for feeling this way when I could clearly be happier. Now I hate myself for hating myself.

and the image of myself hiding and crying in the storeroom keeps replaying on my mind.

And this solitude is really seducing.

I need sx-70 blend. I want to try out manipulation on poloroid films.

I would love to step into a lavender garden. I imagine myself taking the first whiff of the smell of lavender and wet grass in spring. Its gentle, soothing smell would then overwhelm my nose. And the sea of light purple blanket is dancing in the wind as if its dancing to the rhythm of a sad song. I would run around in circles in the garden barefooted with someone, someone I love to hang out with. Laughing and rolling in the grass. And taking avant-garde photos with my sx-70. Or step in the backyard laden with 3 inch thick snow in a typical lonely December. Lying in the snow, making snow angels. Hoping and praying they will make life better.

Sometimes I wonder if I really know myself. I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name. And the only thing I feel bad about starting a new life is leaving my best friend behind.

Never ending

Its 11:08pm. I have yet to study for my add math test, yet to evaluate my buddy of which the deadline was today and no one reminded me and that the meeting is tomorrow, yet to think of what to get for my super busy friend of which he wont be replying to my messages from 6th to the 10th and totally refuse to tell me what he is doing and yet to think of something for MBFSWV (lol, try decoding it).

My friend's running away from home. ):

here's the gist of what happened today.
Had school. Heard his melodious voice. Helped to move house. Apparently, had my bag locked in my friend's house. went home without my bag. Had tuition. went out to get my bag. watch television. got an email about getting paid to crew. fell in love with the sx-70 again. now blogging and thinking of other things i have to do.

I'm in love, definitely.

First attempt at poetry.

here's my first attempt at poetry. Don't laugh. I was thinking about it while walking back home.

My heart you tore
I know I'm such a bore
Here I pen you down a love song
I promise it wont be long

Awwww.... although nothing in relation to me. Thats all i could think of though. right-.- photo shoot with the SX-70!:D I suppose I'll just go with the flow.

My little suicide

my little suicide. Done over the last december holidays if i remembered correctly. All I remembered was we played settlers and scrabble. Hope i didnt suck.

nostalgia

Polaroids gives me a feeling of nostalgia.

Thank God for polaroids, the existence of the SX-70 and for loveeeeeeeee! :D (stock up while it lasts!)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud. It is not rude,it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered,it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Keep love pure.

Happy birthday, Xinyi. soon, at least.

Hmm, i kinda got myself into thinking if I am an ardent fan of sound. You know just like how some people are avid fans of paper and like the touch of it. I actually like the sound of wave, how they pound so hard on the breakwaters and I could have just fallen asleep just by listening to it. I like to listen. Maybe listen to your worries. I promise I wont talk, I'll just listen.

You know how some people can let their emotions free through writing? I wished I was like that. And I always believed in the saying that goes,' the pen is mightier than the sword.'

Yesterday was a sad day. I got ignored. My entire existence was denied. I dont get ignored, I ignore people. And mr concentrated crap says its 'karma' that I got ignored cause I ignore people.)):

What am I doing without you?

And I'm my bestfriend's ardent fan.

There's a light in me and its shining bright. I can almost touch the skies. You're the reason I believe.

yeah, your attention shouldnt have been on some kids who know how to act nor on some kids who know how to operate cameras.

I dont want to pit myself against them. I dont want to compare myself with anyone anymore. Cause no one gonna ever find another me. When you dislike someone, it seem like its probably cause you're jealous of what someone elses have that you dont. I'm perplexed. Its not that I havent tried. I did. Its more of a can't than a I-wouldn't-want-to. Maybe cause they get bestfriend's attention all the time and I'm just jealous. Maybe... I'm trying to put it logically by saying to myself,' Hey, my friends' love is self sufficient.' But the love just aint the same. Oh gosh, I'm so selfish.)):

What people said hurt me. And my heart's heavy. I needed to set it free.
'I think i should just go to sleep... But my heart is so heavy, I cant sleep!'
'Then set it free lah!'
-.-"

Sometimes, I'm such a pain in the ass.
This is the last time that I'm ever gonna come here tonight.

Ah, I want to have a secret diary in a secret annexe of my house. So when it gets published, I would be famous like Anne Frank. Probability? 0. Z-E-R-O. I mentioned it to my friend. And he say 'why do you want to be like Anne Frank? I mean, she only got famous after she died. You want to be famous after you die?'

Only a certain someone makes my heart palpitate against my sternum. -.-

My giving in doesnt mean I dont mind.

thank you bestfriend, for always being there.

And also kudos to Mr. concentrated crap. (:

A new hope?

Wow. The star wars title really suits this scenario.

Everyone at one point or another will feel hopelessness. I am not an exception. I too feel a struggle within me for hope. Dilemma between giving up and hoping. Theres an internal struggle for hope. I want to keep holding on to that hope. 'O' levels dont seem so far away now. Just in a few months, matter of weeks actually. I will just keep hoping and just keep holding.

And we often base our self worth on academics but we often fail to realised that we are worth more than just that.

I hate it how vulnerable humans are. But thats just how they are.

Piracy? NOT. [/EDIT]

Well, I had nothing to do so i decided to look at ben's blog. Look what I've found! If only I can do a film as good as that.


below is a series of brief and funny conversations (if you get what i mean, haha)

Me: Rukku, you stay at Pasir ris right?
Rukku: No, i stay in tampines...
Me: But you got this pasir ris look.
Rukku: Tampines rocks! Got safra, -goes on elaborating other examples of what tampines have and what pasir ris doesnt- and it also got MRT!
Me: err... Pasir ris also got mrt... -.-

Me: I dont know why I see your face, like buay song(not happy) like that.
Nikki: why?
Me: I dont know.
Me: I think if i irritate you, I will feel better. -Sings umbrella-

-teacher talks in class-
Me: What is tapered pants arh?
Andrew: -stands up and folds his pants to show me how tapered pants look like-
Me: If people who got fat thighs wear not nice leh.
Andrew: Of course lah, only sexy legs like mine deserve to wear tapered pants.

Me: -talks to some korean girl-
Miss Wong: xinyi, go back to yours seat.
Me: But i need to socialise with my counterparts! -returns to seat-
Miss Wong: You can do that after class.
Me: Eh win, want to socialise with me after class?
Win: Err... cannot leh. My house on fire.

Me: Eh, dew! Why you never go for team bonding? I call your mother arh!
Dew: Cannot! My house no phone. I live in the rural area.
Me: Huh? Then how you get your scholarship?
Dew: From my village lucky draw!

Me: So where is Laos? Is it a country?
Dew: Nonono, its in Singapore
Me: Lame lah. Is it part of thailand?
Laos guy: -googles world map and shows it to me-
Dew: Okay, so I stay here. -points to bangkok-
Me: I thought you stay in a rural area?
Dew: Oh yarh. I forgot.

Ryan: Eh, male version of bitch is butch.
Me: Really? I didnt know that.
Ryan: NO LAH! -laughs- You sounded innocent.
Meiyoke: Ohhh... Xinyi... I didnt know you were innocent.
Ryan: That's why i said 'sounded'

Vlog services will temporarily stop until further notice

Ahaha, yeah. Inferring from the title, I would stop production for quite some time. But but but! Win, dew and I are gonna start thinking of an idea for sdma and if we can start sooner rather than later than we would. I dont know if its just gonna be three of us, cause it seems like its only gonna be 3 of us with shalyn gone and all. I'm hoping that we can do one more short film but seems like time is always running out.

All of us can be rock stars.

'Rubbish'
'What? You said that I am talking rubbish?'
'No I say I was talking rubbish.'
'I'm glad you know that. You need me to bring the dustbin here for you?'
'Oh, dont need. I am talking to one right now.'

Oh damn, win had outsmart me. ahaha

Due to unforeseen circumstances...

I regret to inform you that due to unforeseen circumstances, video of 'Guide to surviving TMS' would not be put online or any sort. Any direct replica should be reported immediately. I apologise for any inconvenience.

I'll just put it here to entertain you when there's no video. Dedicated to shalyn. Who is flying off in less than 24 hours time. I'll miss your smile. 'You just gotta tell yourself its better this way'



Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la
You used to call me your Angel
Said I was sent straight down from Heaven
And You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holdin me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in any while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm livin' out my dream
Oh, how I wish you could see
Everything that's happenin' for me
I'm thinkin' back on the past
It's true the time is flyin' by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to knowI miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la-
I miss you

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know

I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
I miss you

[/edit] more photos below

let's see serpia!

And sometimes I feel hurt by what you say, and thats only because you're my best friend.

Check this out. Got this from ben's blog. Pretty cool. 212 degrees. http://www.nc212movie.com/